The Chronic

Do you ever think about the correlation between the Devil’s Lettuce and Pain having the same forename? Chronic. Yes I partake, in both sadly.

About seven years ago I was diagnosed with Chronic Lower Back Pain. I have several Hemangiomas along my spinal column that cannot be removed. I also have degeneration in my right hip and the right side of my coxys. Every year, it seemingly gets worse. This is on top of several other pretty serious diagnoses. One of whitch is Sleep Apnea. Today I met with a Urogynecologist to discuss problems I’ve been having with waking up to go pee.

This was her thoughts and recommendations: my sleep apnea is causing the problem, If we fix the sleep apnea, it will probably go away. We will start a medication that will help me with the urge to pee. I will continue hardcore on my healthy living plan to try and lose a significant amount of weight. Now here is the rub….I have had DD breasts since I hit puberty, around 12 years old. No matter how thin I was or how heavy I became, I’ve always had very large breasts. Her thoughts run along the lines of getting a breast reduction surgery right away. She even called a very reputable plastic surgeon and set me up. The thoughts are that if I get the weight off of my chest area, I’ll sleep better, therefore fixing any urinary incontinence problems.

My thoughts, I’m freaked out. I’ve heard some bad things about breast reduction surgery. I’ve heard it takes an inordinate amount of time to heal and recover. I heard it’s extremely painful and leaving awful scaring because they literally have to cut off your nipples and reposition them. I’ve also heard you end up losing all sensation in the nipple area. I mean, how will I ever know if I’m cold again, haha. But seriously, this is a huge thing for me to think about.

I discussed it a lot with my husband tonight. We both kind of agreed we’d go to the plastic surgeon, listen to what he has to say, get the facts. But in the end I will be making the decision to use this year to get as healthy as I can. I will use the year to get back down to a healthy, manageable weight. If, in January 2019, I still have size DD breasts, I’ll go for the surgery.

It’s been a long day. Who am I kidding? It’s been a long two days. Yesterday I had 14 Botox injections in my face, head, neck, and shoulders. I do this every 10 weeks to try and stay Migraine free. I’ve had excruciating migraines since I was a kid and this has been the only treatment I’ve found so far that works, and I’ve tried pretty much everything, including sensory deprivation therapy and giving myself shots of Imitrex. The Botox injections take every bit of any energy I have out of me. I always come home and sleep for hours afterwards. This usually lasts 2 to 3 days.

Today I had this appointment with the Urogynecologist and not only was the drive an hour to get there but the appointment lasted 2 hours. I felt bad for Jewels who went up with me so I wouldn’t be alone (the husband had to work). The testing was super weird and invasive, like get naked, put your feet in the stirrups, invasive. I even had a catheter inserted for testing, they had to use a pediatric one because I’m a huge baby.

There was a silver lining to the darkness today. Jewels and I stopped at this quaint little Mexican Restaurant called Fiesta Jalisco. It’s apparently family owned and operated. Isn’t that the best? The food was plentiful and it was so delicious it almost made the day worth it. We both had to get to-go boxes there was so much food left.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with my brother and his wife, my kid and his partner, and any grocery store employees I encounter. I’m still exhausted and just want the week to be over so I can get snowed in on Saturday and not do anything but decide which pajama pants are the cutest for when my husband gets off work.


Some Of That…

New Year, New Me bullshit.

The year is now 2018 and I decided as part of my “Resolutions” I’d be writing and sharing via blog more often. Last year was manic for me and I’m finally starting to mellow out. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not getting complacent about my political views, I’m slightly mellowing on how manic I’ve been to gather information and share that information with people who obviously need to be informed. I’ve heard so much in the last year about how Liberals and Democrats needed to sympathize with conservatives and try to “start a conversation”. Let me be the first to let you all know it just doesn’t work. I’m not a turn your other cheek kind of girl, I’m more of a slice your neck kind of “progressive”.

Enough about that, we’ll discuss politics more and more throughout the year I’m sure. I’ve been reading a lot lately, not that I don’t usually but it seems like I’ve been reading even more, I guess taking some time off of 24/7 News has cleared up some time for me. My husband and I are also working towards some home renovations and that is going super fantastic, thank you very much! It’s almost as if I’m a personal assistant again, not that I ever really stopped. I guess on some levels I’ve always been my husband’s personal assistant and it’s a great job, lots of perks if you know what I mean.

My list of resolutions:

  1. Write and share more. Not just blogs but poems, short stories, etc. I write every day, mostly though I keep it to myself.
  2. Accept all compliments at face value, same as last year, great self esteem boost.
  3. Be healthier through my lifestyle and medical choices.
  4. Be kind.
  5. Play with my dogs more.
  6. Learn some new recipes.
  7. Fuck more.
  8. Try to let things go.
  9. Be less judgmental.
  10. Quit smoking. This is a big one for me. I feel like I really want it. I’ve tried a few times and failed, I know deep down that failure stems from not really wanting to quit. I feel ready now.

I really like this list. I know it won’t all be easy to achieve but it won’t break me if I don’t. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. I did.