War Whores

Okay, so I’m going to spring something on you here and let me know if you don’t follow.

Rodeo cowboys have really exuberant fans. They even have their own set of groupies like Rock Stars. These groupies though, they aren’t called groupies on the rodeo circuit, they’re called “Buckle Bunnies”. Isn’t that cute? NOT.

I’ve been seeing so many memes from conservatives and republicans lately touting Rapey Cheeto’s military prowess, how he has bigger balls than Obama, or it’s about time we kill some towel heads, and he’s a real leader because he’s not afraid to go to war that I’ve decided to call these people “War Whores”. It’s their very own groupie name.

I guess it would be easy to be a mindless drone and an uncaring fuckwit and just drop a few bombs (of course he owns stock in those companies) on innocent civilians. You know: men, women, and children who just want peace and prosperity. I can’t imagine it would be that difficult to make an uneducated decision that effects masses of people and ecosystems when you have no knowledge of how diplomacy or foreign policy works. I suppose it’s easiest to send our troops secretly into those countries to fight wars that you nor anyone in your family has ever sacrificed for. Yeah, I guess to the War Whores in America that looks like big balls, to the rest of us who actually understand what’s really going on, it just makes you all little dicks.

Are you happy that these actions are directly affecting our gas prices in America? Are you thrilled that our scientific and medical communities are now suffering? Is your sac all filled up and stiff because your Rapey Cheeto is a flip flopping War Whore? Are you running down to your recruiter to sign up for military action? Are you watching and supporting a war with North Korea? Or are you just keyboard warrioring it and posting some bullshit meme about how happy you are that your President dropped 59 Tomahawk Missiles on an obscure airbase in Syria, literally doing less than 20% damage. Did you even acknowledge that this fuck called Syria and Russia first to let them know? Were you upset that Syria literally sent more planes with bombs out of the same airbase the same night to bomb their innocent babies your Rapey Cheeto got on TV and spouted his concern over?

Do you find it weird that someone would drop tomahawk missiles on an obscure airbase in retaliation for a gas attack on citizens of Syria instead of say I don’t know, lifting a travel ban? Setting up safe zones? Dropping aid or weapons to the resistance? Seems totally legit right, but fuck it, whooo hoooo he dropped some fucking bombs, oh hellz yeah. Amiright?

Did it turn your stomach when he said on television “God Bless the World”? Oh I’ll bet that chapped your ass. Cause you know, “they hate us for our Freedom!”

I hope your memes give you comfort and I’ll let you in on a little secret, those men and women in the military laugh at all you War Whores.

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Patton Oswalt

I had the immense pleasure of attending a show featuring Patton Oswalt last night, February 24, 2017, at the Palace Theater in Columbus, Ohio.

Let me preface this review by saying my husband and I enjoy Patton Oswalt and his brand of comedy on all levels. He makes us laugh about life. He is relevant and relatable to I think the true “forgotten” Americans in the U.S.A. I’ve always enjoyed his views on life in general through his comedy and any time I’ve seen him in movies or television shows I’ve been impressed with his level of professionalism.

I suggested getting tickets for this event the first day they went on sale because well, it would be a great “late” Valentine’s Day date and also because I just wanted to go somewhere with a shitload of fellow Liberals and laugh for a few hours about just how fucked up things have gotten. This show was on point with exactly what I needed and I left feeling completely fulfilled.

I remember I was in Las Vegas with my husband last October. Sadly, we made the mistake of going with some true Trumper in-laws. Oh, and top off that shit pie, we went the week of the final Presidential Candidate Debate between Hillary Clinton and Rapey Cheeto held at UNLV. Our hotel, literally on the same block as UNLV. Secret Service closed down all routes to our hotel for basically the entire day. To make up for it, my husband and I got tickets at the MGM the next night to see Sarah Silverman. Our in-laws wanted desperately to join us. That turned in to a big hell no. There is no awkwardness quite like the kind you have when you have to explain to a couple of conservative right wing ass clowns the comedy of Sarah Silverman and why they would not have a good time (more like we didn’t want them to bring down our vibe but whatever).

Enough of that shit show though and on to my review of last night’s show. A classically trained violinist from Dayton, Ohio named Kristen Lundberg opened the show. I immediately felt safe and secure with her when she announced her frizzy, curly, riotous hair was all natural baby. I had just spent 2 hours and $100 at a salon in Newark, Ohio getting my own frizzy, riotous curls beaten into submission for this show. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever considered playing the violin, short fingernails, and butt hole play in the same sentence but she made it work. I think she’s someone to watch for in the future. She struck me as kind of like an angry, unvarnished, Emma Stone. She’s just as cute but then that mouth….so refreshing. I could definitely see her in an evil twin movie with Emma.

Since I sat in the front row right in front of the stool and microphone with my gorgeous bearded husband I was enraptured for the entire show. Mr. Oswalt wasted no time getting to work. He makes it look flawless even though he was trying new material for an upcoming taped major network special (I believe I read that somewhere recently).

He began the show by coming up and saying “holy shit guys have you seen Twitter? I can’t believe this shit, it’s bad.” The entire 4,000 room audience was in unison thinking “what the fuck did this Rapey Ape do now?” You could feel it, total silence. Patton started laughing and said basically he was kidding but it was a massive demonstration of just how fucked up things have gotten that none of us doubted our President had done something else completely fucked in the time it took to get to our seats.

I kept telling my husband in the weeks before the show that I knew Patton was anti-Trump and not afraid to speak about it and I loved this about him. This is one of the biggest reasons I wanted to see the show. I wanted to go somewhere and hear others openly rake this freak over the coals as I have done for the last year and actually make me laugh until I cried about it. What I didn’t count on, what I didn’t expect, is that I would laugh harder and longer at his every day life jokes. But I did. I just needed the release of it. He does this series of jokes about a lazy blow job that I think every single woman (or even just anyone who’s had or given a blow job) has experienced step by step. It made me weak. To hear 4,000 people laughing about a common thread is unifying, this to me, is more Patriotic than any flag waving “God Bless America” singing evangelist could ever hope to accomplish.

He made me laugh until I cried, my cheeks hurt on then entire 40 minute ride home. He also paved way to a very serious, deep discussion between my husband and I about his soul crushing sadness and the honesty in his comedy. He leaves a lot of pieces of himself on stage. He makes you see his heart. We spoke about our love (27 years), we spoke about loss, gray areas, our atheism, and empathy versus sympathy and why neither are helpful sometimes. Patton Oswalt has a well of emotion and he shares just enough that you know he’s not some vapid cunt who made it one day and is just doing it for the $$, the lolz, or the fame. I would say with total sincerity that if you don’t know who he is, find out now.

Throughout the evening he went down the line of the front row and asked questions of each of us and I got to tell him about my blog. I decided I couldn’t in good conscience not write a review of the show. I felt so embarrassed to tell him about my blog and my writing. I mean I used to work for an organization teaching at risk youth life skills, drug prevention, and service to our nation. I knew he’d laugh though about the name of it, and he did! Patton Oswalt called me a CUNT ha ha, it has made this whole election mess a little tiny bit less heartbreaking for me. He made fun of my husband’s beard, I feel vindicated!

I can’t thank Patton Oswalt enough for last night. He has given me back my laughter. The crowd, you 4,000 people who showed up last night were beautiful, funny, easygoing people who just wanted a good time, thank you, you classy fucks. OHIO the Heart Of It All! My husband, you bearded steelworker lumberjack! You are my soul, you always anticipate what I need and just do it for me. Oh and whomever was smoking weed in the balcony? Thank YOU for the contact high, next time bring enough to share with the rest of the class, amirite?!

P.S. Patton, if you read this, Cancer is a Pussy but Pussy Cancer can be funny, just look at our President’s face.

Awake

It’s 3 a.m. for the third night in a row and I can’t sleep even with the pain meds and sleeping meds I’ve taken. My mind won’t shut off.

I’m looking forward to going to a comedy show with my husband Friday night but I know I need to get plenty of rest so that I can have a good time. It’s not as if I’m working too hard. I basically clean up the house, play with the dogs, cook, and write every day. There are odd days I have appointments or go shopping but lately even that is blah to me.

I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to interact with anyone. I no longer want to even engage on a social level because I’m so disappointed in society as a whole. I hear stupid comments about immigration. “Well, what about an illegal who commits murder in the U.S., don’t you care about the family of the victim?” No I don’t. I remember being given a book when I was about 7 years old. It was given to me to explain to me why something happened to me and why I needed to “get over it”. It was called “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People”. It’s a good read, for all ages, I suggest anyone who tries to use the above excuse for immigration reform read it and then try to explain to a domestic rape victim why immigration reform is more important than Welfare Reform, Sex Abuse Reform, Prison Reform, Foster Care Reform, etc. Explain to a domestic born victim/survivor why immigration reform is given more importance than catching/penalizing domestic perpetrators. You can’t because you know deep down, it’s a race issue. It has nothing to do with them being here illegally, it has everything to do with them being “brown”.

I no longer want to engage in a society who sit back and allow others to talk shit about and take away basic human rights from children. From fucking children, people! I remember high school. Do you? It was a complete shit show and that was before being transgender was allowed to see some sunlight. President Obama during his administration laid foundations and it was all just bulldozed yesterday. I mean are you all that worried that these children in these schools are predators? Really? Where are your statistics that back up your choices? How many transgender/gay kids have raped or assaulted other kids in bathrooms at schools, libraries, malls, burger shacks, etc.? Are you that insecure in your own sexuality that you so blatantly let it bleed all over our children?

What’s more sickening to me, what really makes me want to just stay in bed, blow my brains out, blow someone else’s brains out is that this was discussed before so many voted for this motherfucker. People in my own family, gay people in my own family defended this motherfucker. “Oh, he likes gay and transgender people. He supports the community. Peter Theil spoke for him at the RNC. Jackie Evancho has a transgender sister and she sang at his inauguration. He’ll protect gay and transgender kids.”

What fucking say you now? Try and defend your position. I’ll tell you what I said then. Peter Theil, yes he may be gay but he doesn’t want to be. He never wanted to be outed and he never came out himself. In fact, he sued a news outlet to the point they had to close because they couldn’t afford the judgement against them when he was done suing them for outing him in their publication. He never wanted the world to know he was gay. He is not “out and proud”. He uses it now to fool the gay community into voting Republican and it worked. Jackie, she’s a 16 year old kid who got paid millions because she was the only performer willing to sing at Rapey Cheeto’s swearing in. Her transgender sister did not attend the ceremony with the rest of her family. Jackie, today, tweeted the Rapey Cheeto to say how sad and disappointed and heartbroken she is and that she feels betrayed. Boo fucking hoo.

I’m angry. I’m sad. It’s not just about immigrants. It’s not just about transgender and gay kids. It’s not even just about my rights as a female in this country. It’s stupid shit, small shit. Like now it takes 7 to 14 weeks to get a straight tax return. Like military families have no lost their on-base daycare. Like people who are paralyzed and have been for 10 years are now being forced to refile for disability benefits to prove they aren’t scamming the system. Like they are shutting down PBS but still paying $500k a day for Rapey Cheeto First Lady and Son to live in New York. Like Rapey Cheeto says he walked into a mess from the Obama years but if it was such a damn mess, how he has had time to take a vacation every single weekend for the last 4 weeks? Like his first week in office, his first military operation approval, U.S. Troops killed 23 women and children in a foreign land, a land they had no permission to be in. The White House released a statement saying only “It was a success and we lost a hero Navy Seal.” Is that us? Is that the American people now? We no longer apologize for friendly fire? For loss of life?

At this point, I don’t feel connected to anyone or anything anymore. I feel like nothing America is supposed to stand for is true anymore.  It’s disturbing that I still have people in my life who question continually why I’m still not socializing with them. I learn every single day the difference between me and anyone who supported this. If you can’t figure it out, it only validates what I know.

Like You See It

I like to call it like I see it. I don’t like to beat around the bush or blow smoke up someone’s ass to make them feel better. If I see an injustice or I feel like someone has said something completely hypocritical, I call it.

Friday night Vice News interviewed the founder of a Pro-Life outreach called New Wave Feminists. She actually said in the interview “we want choices and rights but we are against abortion.”

Isn’t this an oxymoron? Heavy emphasis on the moron? You can try to be a part-time feminist but I think you’ll find you won’t get much done. This is the problem with conservatives today. They try and talk a big game about how they aren’t out to “take away your rights” but the most important right to any human is the right to decide what I can do with my own body. My choice, my body. Of course there is the argument that a “child” deserves rights too and I’m not even going to get into that argument here because you know what? It’s been litigated by science.

These people, Destiny Herndon-De La Rosa and her Facebook cronies decided to harass me online after I pointed out in a very nice way, their hypocrisy during the interview. They stalked my facebook page, my family and friends, and then stalked my blog. They sent demeaning messages about my rape when I was 5, told me I could never understand the “heartbreak of never being able to have children”, HA! These people are bottom feeders who clearly are only using their movement for capital gain. They even went so far as to make a report to Facebook that I am not using my real name. Of course I’m not! I’m using a nickname I’ve had for over 20 years that I also use here on this blog. Why on Earth would I want to use my given name when clearly these women cannot behave in a manner befitting a good human being.

These people are trolls who gang up on anyone who doesn’t agree with them lock, stock, and barrel. This mentality is why so many people are hurting and angry right now. Again, you cannot on one hand say you are all about choices and rights but nope, not the right to decide what is okay for your own body, family, situation. It’s hypocrisy at it’s highest, it’s ugliest. I simply called them on it.

My suggestion to anyone who loves this country, who loves people, who loves Freedom, do the same. Call it by name, say it loud, say it proud, call it like you see it. We can no longer allow these people to harass and bully us into silence.

If Facebook decides to delete my account because I refuse to use my “real” name and not a nickname, so be it. Everyone has to make a choice for what they believe in.

Obstinate!

Decency

As many of you know, after the 2016 Presidential Election, I cut a lot of people out of my life. These people supported a man for our highest office, a decision-maker for all our lives. This man has proven time and again to be a narcissist, a bigot, a sexual abuser, a misogynist, a racist, and in general a despicable person. I said at that start that your vote for him was a test of your decency and you failed. I said at the start that I could not allow myself to continue to pretend like we were friends because I knew deep down you were okay with who this person was and in fact you supported it because deep down, you were like him.

This was in some cases, heartbreaking for me. I cut out people who I genuinely enjoyed or was just beginning to think had turned a corner. I had to make a choice for me though. Many other people around me have tried to justify these supporters actions. They’ve tried to change my mind. “Oh give the President a chance, give your family a chance, give your friends a chance”, they all said, “they’re good people, they’re not racist, misogynist, abusers.”

Indiana State Senator Jack E. Sandlin shared a meme on Facebook in America the day of the Women’s March on Saturday. It showed 500,000 women marching in his home state with the words “In one day, Trump got more fat women out walking than Michelle Obama did in 8 years.”

This meme was also shared and laughed about uproarishly by my own brother-in-law. My husband’s nephew even liked it, giving praise for it on my brother-in-law’s Facebook page.  Several friends and family members texted me to express outrage over it.

This nephew is someone I actually grew up with. I’ve known him since I was 9 years old. the fact that he has participated in this abusive behavior has quite honestly broken my heart. We went to school together, his sister (my niece) was my closest friend. We went roller skating together. Our moms were friends. We ate at each other’s houses. We did homework together. I watched his own mother abuse him and stood by him as a good, close friend. I met him even before I met my husband 27 years ago. He has watched me struggle with depression over my weight for 30 years. He has watched me cry and held my hand when I had bad memories of a childhood rape.

My brother-in-law I knew was a douche bag. I’ve tried and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but he continually shows me the worst of him. My nephew though, we’re about the same age, I married his uncle who is very close to his own age. I guess the new President has given people like this a free pass to say and do what their most inner deplorable says is okay. I’m so incredibly sad tonight.

What’s worse is another Senator from Nebraska, Bill Kintner shared a picture of women marching in his state with the words he wrote himself “Ladies I think you’re safe, you’re not attractive enough to be sexually assaulted. Old Bill is actually going in front of a committee to decide if he should be fired or not (as if it’s even a question), but on the other side a man who said it’s okay to sexually assault women by “grabbing them by the pussy” was elected President. Seems totally legit.

Is this really what we’ve become? Is this the new normal for women in AMERICA?

Michelle Obama said “every girl, every woman has been a victim of abuse in some form.” Every woman has had a man either touch her inappropriately sexually, call her a bitch-whore-slut-cunt, pass her over for a job, made comments about her appearance, hit her, etc. Every single woman at some point in her life has been discriminated against by a man, every single one at some point in her life. Every single woman has been abused on some level by a man. Not a single woman has walked this earth unscathed. What does that say about our society? We lead the Free World and yet every single woman in our country, in the world has been a victim of abuse by a man.

My story is not uncommon. I was raped in foster care when I was five. I have a horribly contentious relationship with my own mother. I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and obesity since my rape. I got incredibly lucky though. I met the kindest boy when I was 13. I told him everything about myself immediately and he didn’t care. He didn’t care that I was damaged. He didn’t care that I was fat. He didn’t care that I had unruly naturally curly hair. He didn’t care that I have pale white skin that never tans and tons of freckles. He didn’t care that I have scars inside and out. He cared that I was smarter than I was pretty.  He cared that I was kinder than I was thin. He cared about making me happy again. He cared about being the only man in my life besides my father who made me feel whole.

At 39 years old I have recently lost 55 lbs and I still have a bit to go but I know, this man who’s loved me unconditionally for 27 years would be with me if I lost it or not, so it’s finally for me. But now I know how my brother-in-law feels about me, about my sister-in-law Jen, my niece Jewels, my niece Kat, about any other fat women he sees.  To him, I am less than. To him I have no worth. To him I deserve to be mocked and ridiculed. To him I am not entitled to basic human rights.

I should have known he had no respect for me as a person anyway, I mean I see the way he treats his own wife. I would though especially like to take note that there were hundreds of thousands of men who Marched this past Saturday but I’ve not seen a single meme or mention of anything negative about those men. So it’s only funny when you can pick apart a female for her appearance.

I have a theory about conservative men, their bibles have turned them into prom night dumpster babies who treat women like objects, possessions. These men are not gentlemen. They do not respect women. Christ, they barely respect each other. (tangent over)

I feel awful and have been continually crying, tears, over this. I didn’t go to the March with my friends and sisters this past Saturday even though I have my Pussy Hat! My husband asked me not to go to any protests, he said he worried I’d be hurt. I respected that, but now, I feel like I’ve given these two men (through marriage) a free pass to berate and abuse women for no reason.  For anyone who had a problem with these people marching I’d like to make a few points. 1) America was founded because of a protest that developed into a war (remember that). 2) Not 1 single person was hurt or arrested during these protests. 3) It is a constitutional right to protest when you feel your rights are being violated. 4) How bad does it have to get before YOU take action? How many excuses are YOU going to make? Where is YOUR breaking point? 5) The Declaration of Independence says “We The People”, not me, not you, but WE.

And yes, I did emphasize THROUGH MARRIAGE. There are people close to me to talk shit about my two own brothers. Well, I’ll tell you this, my two brothers are Liberals, they wouldn’t be caught dead posting some bullshit degrading memes hiding on a Facebook account and then trying to act hurt that they’ve been cut out of someone’s life, they wouldn’t talk shit on social media and then try to be sweet at pie to someone’s face. My brothers believe abuse of women of ANY kind is WRONG.

I cannot, I will not allow myself to be in situations where I am uncomfortable being around someone I inherently feel like is an abuser and now I know, without a doubt, these two, fuck it, anyone who supported Rapey Cheeto, is an abuser.

YOU ARE COMPLICIT. It’s just a matter of time before your true colors come out too.

Accountability

I’m a firm believer that people should be held accountable for their actions for every action has a reaction.  I know several people in my life are struggling with this concept right now.  Many of my friends and family have found themselves exiled from my circle.  Most, without an explanation, or without a perceived explanation from me.  You see, I did warn them.  I posted several messages before and after the recent Presidential election letting people know I would not keep people in my life if they voted for the Republican candidate Rapey J. Cheeto (you’ll be hard-pressed for me to ever use his real name).

I believe in accountability.  I feel like people who say “Oh I don’t agree with his racism, misogyny, bigotry, homophobia, and lies; I just voted for change” are willful hypocrites. I am a rape survivor and you voted for someone who believes raping women is “locker room sport”.  I have a gay son and you voted for someone who believes homosexuals should be electrocuted until they become straight again.  I have African-American family members and you voted for someone who said minorities were rapists and criminals.  I am disabled and you voted for someone who publicly made fun of a disabled man on national television.  My husband is a Union Steelworker and you voted for someone who said Unions are useless, that union workers need to work more and talk less, someone who attacked an American worker for no reason and caused him to get death threats.

Just admit you don’t care about others and you’re a selfish person.  It’s okay, he made it okay for you to embrace your secret feelings that we “others” are not your people, we are not equal to you, and; in being worthless, you need not treat us with the same respect and privileges that you enjoy.  Rapey  Cheeto has made it okay for you to embrace your hatred and bigotry and hold it dear.  He encouraged you to vote for it and to deny it in front of your peers and use God and Change as your excuses for doing so.

You claimed for the last eight years that the problem was a black man in the White House but you weren’t racist because you have black friends.  Your party believes that people should continue to be poor and uneducated because those people are their core voters, easily duped, just as you were.  Just look at where you are now.  Your Rapey Cheeto is up on Treason charges just this morning.

So yes, I deleted you from my life and have no plans to change that.  My cut off game is strong too, just ask my mother.  I cannot and will not allow your selfishness to influence the way I live.  I will not pretend that we can be friends when I know who you really are behind your bullshit and rhetoric.

The 2016 Presidential Election was a test of DECENCY and you failed.