She Burns

She’s built herself from flames.

There’s a raging forge inside her.

She’s always been able to get lost in it. 

She’s never been afraid to fight through it.

Ignite her. Enflame her. Scortch her. 

Leave her to smolder, she’ll find a way to burn on.

-for Chloe

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Patton Oswalt

I had the immense pleasure of attending a show featuring Patton Oswalt last night, February 24, 2017, at the Palace Theater in Columbus, Ohio.

Let me preface this review by saying my husband and I enjoy Patton Oswalt and his brand of comedy on all levels. He makes us laugh about life. He is relevant and relatable to I think the true “forgotten” Americans in the U.S.A. I’ve always enjoyed his views on life in general through his comedy and any time I’ve seen him in movies or television shows I’ve been impressed with his level of professionalism.

I suggested getting tickets for this event the first day they went on sale because well, it would be a great “late” Valentine’s Day date and also because I just wanted to go somewhere with a shitload of fellow Liberals and laugh for a few hours about just how fucked up things have gotten. This show was on point with exactly what I needed and I left feeling completely fulfilled.

I remember I was in Las Vegas with my husband last October. Sadly, we made the mistake of going with some true Trumper in-laws. Oh, and top off that shit pie, we went the week of the final Presidential Candidate Debate between Hillary Clinton and Rapey Cheeto held at UNLV. Our hotel, literally on the same block as UNLV. Secret Service closed down all routes to our hotel for basically the entire day. To make up for it, my husband and I got tickets at the MGM the next night to see Sarah Silverman. Our in-laws wanted desperately to join us. That turned in to a big hell no. There is no awkwardness quite like the kind you have when you have to explain to a couple of conservative right wing ass clowns the comedy of Sarah Silverman and why they would not have a good time (more like we didn’t want them to bring down our vibe but whatever).

Enough of that shit show though and on to my review of last night’s show. A classically trained violinist from Dayton, Ohio named Kristen Lundberg opened the show. I immediately felt safe and secure with her when she announced her frizzy, curly, riotous hair was all natural baby. I had just spent 2 hours and $100 at a salon in Newark, Ohio getting my own frizzy, riotous curls beaten into submission for this show. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever considered playing the violin, short fingernails, and butt hole play in the same sentence but she made it work. I think she’s someone to watch for in the future. She struck me as kind of like an angry, unvarnished, Emma Stone. She’s just as cute but then that mouth….so refreshing. I could definitely see her in an evil twin movie with Emma.

Since I sat in the front row right in front of the stool and microphone with my gorgeous bearded husband I was enraptured for the entire show. Mr. Oswalt wasted no time getting to work. He makes it look flawless even though he was trying new material for an upcoming taped major network special (I believe I read that somewhere recently).

He began the show by coming up and saying “holy shit guys have you seen Twitter? I can’t believe this shit, it’s bad.” The entire 4,000 room audience was in unison thinking “what the fuck did this Rapey Ape do now?” You could feel it, total silence. Patton started laughing and said basically he was kidding but it was a massive demonstration of just how fucked up things have gotten that none of us doubted our President had done something else completely fucked in the time it took to get to our seats.

I kept telling my husband in the weeks before the show that I knew Patton was anti-Trump and not afraid to speak about it and I loved this about him. This is one of the biggest reasons I wanted to see the show. I wanted to go somewhere and hear others openly rake this freak over the coals as I have done for the last year and actually make me laugh until I cried about it. What I didn’t count on, what I didn’t expect, is that I would laugh harder and longer at his every day life jokes. But I did. I just needed the release of it. He does this series of jokes about a lazy blow job that I think every single woman (or even just anyone who’s had or given a blow job) has experienced step by step. It made me weak. To hear 4,000 people laughing about a common thread is unifying, this to me, is more Patriotic than any flag waving “God Bless America” singing evangelist could ever hope to accomplish.

He made me laugh until I cried, my cheeks hurt on then entire 40 minute ride home. He also paved way to a very serious, deep discussion between my husband and I about his soul crushing sadness and the honesty in his comedy. He leaves a lot of pieces of himself on stage. He makes you see his heart. We spoke about our love (27 years), we spoke about loss, gray areas, our atheism, and empathy versus sympathy and why neither are helpful sometimes. Patton Oswalt has a well of emotion and he shares just enough that you know he’s not some vapid cunt who made it one day and is just doing it for the $$, the lolz, or the fame. I would say with total sincerity that if you don’t know who he is, find out now.

Throughout the evening he went down the line of the front row and asked questions of each of us and I got to tell him about my blog. I decided I couldn’t in good conscience not write a review of the show. I felt so embarrassed to tell him about my blog and my writing. I mean I used to work for an organization teaching at risk youth life skills, drug prevention, and service to our nation. I knew he’d laugh though about the name of it, and he did! Patton Oswalt called me a CUNT ha ha, it has made this whole election mess a little tiny bit less heartbreaking for me. He made fun of my husband’s beard, I feel vindicated!

I can’t thank Patton Oswalt enough for last night. He has given me back my laughter. The crowd, you 4,000 people who showed up last night were beautiful, funny, easygoing people who just wanted a good time, thank you, you classy fucks. OHIO the Heart Of It All! My husband, you bearded steelworker lumberjack! You are my soul, you always anticipate what I need and just do it for me. Oh and whomever was smoking weed in the balcony? Thank YOU for the contact high, next time bring enough to share with the rest of the class, amirite?!

P.S. Patton, if you read this, Cancer is a Pussy but Pussy Cancer can be funny, just look at our President’s face.

Awake

It’s 3 a.m. for the third night in a row and I can’t sleep even with the pain meds and sleeping meds I’ve taken. My mind won’t shut off.

I’m looking forward to going to a comedy show with my husband Friday night but I know I need to get plenty of rest so that I can have a good time. It’s not as if I’m working too hard. I basically clean up the house, play with the dogs, cook, and write every day. There are odd days I have appointments or go shopping but lately even that is blah to me.

I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t want to interact with anyone. I no longer want to even engage on a social level because I’m so disappointed in society as a whole. I hear stupid comments about immigration. “Well, what about an illegal who commits murder in the U.S., don’t you care about the family of the victim?” No I don’t. I remember being given a book when I was about 7 years old. It was given to me to explain to me why something happened to me and why I needed to “get over it”. It was called “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People”. It’s a good read, for all ages, I suggest anyone who tries to use the above excuse for immigration reform read it and then try to explain to a domestic rape victim why immigration reform is more important than Welfare Reform, Sex Abuse Reform, Prison Reform, Foster Care Reform, etc. Explain to a domestic born victim/survivor why immigration reform is given more importance than catching/penalizing domestic perpetrators. You can’t because you know deep down, it’s a race issue. It has nothing to do with them being here illegally, it has everything to do with them being “brown”.

I no longer want to engage in a society who sit back and allow others to talk shit about and take away basic human rights from children. From fucking children, people! I remember high school. Do you? It was a complete shit show and that was before being transgender was allowed to see some sunlight. President Obama during his administration laid foundations and it was all just bulldozed yesterday. I mean are you all that worried that these children in these schools are predators? Really? Where are your statistics that back up your choices? How many transgender/gay kids have raped or assaulted other kids in bathrooms at schools, libraries, malls, burger shacks, etc.? Are you that insecure in your own sexuality that you so blatantly let it bleed all over our children?

What’s more sickening to me, what really makes me want to just stay in bed, blow my brains out, blow someone else’s brains out is that this was discussed before so many voted for this motherfucker. People in my own family, gay people in my own family defended this motherfucker. “Oh, he likes gay and transgender people. He supports the community. Peter Theil spoke for him at the RNC. Jackie Evancho has a transgender sister and she sang at his inauguration. He’ll protect gay and transgender kids.”

What fucking say you now? Try and defend your position. I’ll tell you what I said then. Peter Theil, yes he may be gay but he doesn’t want to be. He never wanted to be outed and he never came out himself. In fact, he sued a news outlet to the point they had to close because they couldn’t afford the judgement against them when he was done suing them for outing him in their publication. He never wanted the world to know he was gay. He is not “out and proud”. He uses it now to fool the gay community into voting Republican and it worked. Jackie, she’s a 16 year old kid who got paid millions because she was the only performer willing to sing at Rapey Cheeto’s swearing in. Her transgender sister did not attend the ceremony with the rest of her family. Jackie, today, tweeted the Rapey Cheeto to say how sad and disappointed and heartbroken she is and that she feels betrayed. Boo fucking hoo.

I’m angry. I’m sad. It’s not just about immigrants. It’s not just about transgender and gay kids. It’s not even just about my rights as a female in this country. It’s stupid shit, small shit. Like now it takes 7 to 14 weeks to get a straight tax return. Like military families have no lost their on-base daycare. Like people who are paralyzed and have been for 10 years are now being forced to refile for disability benefits to prove they aren’t scamming the system. Like they are shutting down PBS but still paying $500k a day for Rapey Cheeto First Lady and Son to live in New York. Like Rapey Cheeto says he walked into a mess from the Obama years but if it was such a damn mess, how he has had time to take a vacation every single weekend for the last 4 weeks? Like his first week in office, his first military operation approval, U.S. Troops killed 23 women and children in a foreign land, a land they had no permission to be in. The White House released a statement saying only “It was a success and we lost a hero Navy Seal.” Is that us? Is that the American people now? We no longer apologize for friendly fire? For loss of life?

At this point, I don’t feel connected to anyone or anything anymore. I feel like nothing America is supposed to stand for is true anymore.  It’s disturbing that I still have people in my life who question continually why I’m still not socializing with them. I learn every single day the difference between me and anyone who supported this. If you can’t figure it out, it only validates what I know.

Let’s Talk

I think people need to take this opportunity and really start honest conversations on both sides about what can be fixed, who can change, where we can compromise so that we can all live better lives.

To do that though, we all have to be very, very honest about the people we voted for. Hillary had issues sure. She wasn’t Satan. And Trump is not the Messiah.

You cannot tell me honestly that as a good person, just a good person you would ever condone his behavior if he said any of what he’s said, tweeted, or done in your personal presence. You wouldn’t condone it if he did or said those things to your wife, mother, or daughter. You would not tolerate your own sons speaking to people, fucking over people like he does.

Stop talking about Hillary. No one cares about her anymore lol. We care about the awful person you people act like the sun rises and sets for. We are good people too. The difference is, we are able to tell the truth about the people we vote for. Hillary did some stupid shit, but you know what? She didn’t do it alone (approval from others for Benghazi/Congress slashed security at Embassy, others in government use private emails, cell phones, and servers) and she doesn’t come close to compromising my personal safety like the Rapey Cheeto does.

So let’s get real, let’s have a real conversation where we talk about something relevant because the Clinton’s no longer are. Let’s talk about something other than safe spaces, coloring books, and puppies. Let’s talk about your incoherent belief that your opinion is now fact and anything else is fake news. Let’s talk about Rapey Cheeto’s ties to Russia and Israel. Better, let’s talk about Congress and how they plan to shut down everyone who isn’t a part of the 1% and how you can help prevent your friends, family, and neighbors from dying.

And finally let’s all make an agreement right now that since you voted for Trump, when war breaks out, you get to sign up to serve first. Then your sons and daughters and then your grandchildren. I didn’t vote for him. I’ll not fight for him.

Happy Christmas

I would like to take a few minutes and wish every a Happy Holiday Season. I know it’s 11 p.m. on Christmas night but I’ve been busy and hey, we still have a few holidays left in the official season anyway. I hope your Thanksgiving and Christmas was filled with love and joy. I hope you all gave and received everything you wished for.

I really got a lot of super wonderful gifts this year. Everyone just really nailed it and I’m in awe. I am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. These are my people, the ones who just “get” me. The most important gift I received for Christmas was one I always cherish from my husband, it was the gift of time.

You see, my babe works like a madman. I miss him constantly and I love him beyond measure. He is not just my husband but he’s my best friend, my confidant, my anti-depressant. He’s worked 60 days straight since we got back from vacation in October, not a single day off. Not all of this is on him, his company had some layoffs and to make up for manpower, the remaining crews are forced to work 7 days a week nonstop. On the wild weekend that the crew has a weekend off, he does step up and work overtime. Sometimes he does it to better our lives in financial ways, but a lot of times he does it so that other people at his plant don’t have to come in and miss their families.

When we agreed to get married we made a deal. We promised to support each other always in all things as long as it didn’t cause physical harm to either of us. I’ve always known he was a workaholic. It’s not a bad thing. His work ethic made me free to be able to do things I love. I was always able to work in positions that made me truly happy. It’s rare to get that opportunity in this life and he gave that to me before I retired. I will always be grateful. I will never complain when he works long hours, days on end.

We have a joke we tell people. We tell them that when we met my first thought was “this man works hard and will take care of me” and he tells people his first thought was “wow, she has an amazing set of tits”. It’s a joke but it’s not far off for our first impressions.

So, the most special gift I got from my husband was his time. He spent his entire weekend off with me. We had breakfast one day and then went to the movies. I made him dinner Saturday and we binge watched a new show on Netflix called The OA. It was freaky but really great, it made me cry the final episode and he didn’t make fun of me. He’s really, really the best.

I’d like to think that I gave equally as wonderful gifts as I received but that’s not really up to me. It’s not mine to wear. I do try though to really do good things, meaningful things for those I love.

All in all, Christmas Eve was pretty cool. I cooked really early and just stored everything for when we would be ready to eat.  My boy came over and did some baking 🙂 he and I went to Dave and Jen’s family Christmas party. When I came home I took a much needed nap much to my husbands delighted laughter. I did get to talk to both of my brothers and my baby girl Boo throughout the day. Took a nap while waiting for Santa.

Today, I went to visit my younger brother and his family and had some good laughs. The boys stopped by and ate some yummy vittles late in the evening, I packed my honey’s lunch since he’s working a double tonight, and now I’m writing and icing my poor puppies back. He has a pulled muscle and I haven’t been able to get him healed up. I’m going to work hard this week to make him feel better.

It’s been a busy weekend but I’m thankful, I’m hopeful, and I’m happy.

Must Love Dogs

I base my friendships on many things but the key to my friendship is a mutual love and respect for dogs.  I’m not talking about the people who just think dogs are cute and want to pet their neighbors dog when they see it.  I’m talking about people who own dogs, who donate to dog rescues, who buy their friends with dogs special toys and treats. I’m talking about people who really care about the health and well-being of dogs in general.

It was an unspoken agreement between my husband and I even when we were dating that when we moved in together we would get a dog.  We’ve raised three rottweilers from puppies until passing at old age, we’ve rescued a rottweiler who ended up having a broken spine and had to be put down (the hardest thing we went through), and now we have two mutts we got as puppies and we couldn’t adore them more if we tried.  I’m actually considering getting another rottweiler, I’m just waiting for the right one to slide into my life unexpectedly.

I tell people I’m a stay at home dog momma.  I think it’s the best job I’ve ever had.  I think my boys would agree.  There is nothing quite like the love of a dog, the adoration and snuggles are more rewarding than anything I’ve ever experienced in life.  They heal you. People let you down, cheat, and lie.  A dog can do none of those things.  All they can do is love unconditionally.

I guess I just don’t trust anyone who doesn’t love dogs as much as I do.

Chinese Food and Fat Asses

I am officially done. I’m completely and utterly done Christmas shopping and I’m over it. I am at that the wall where I just don’t want to be in the “spirit” now. All of the packages should arrive through the weekend and finally done on Monday and I’m just going to throw everything in my office and not look at any of it for a week. Maybe the spirit will hit me again after that.

I hate to shop and it’s always been a joke between my husband and I about who the real girl is in our relationship because he loves to shop. So after spending most of the morning finishing my online shopping I tried to take a nap but couldn’t sleep to save my life and at this point, I think I really need to save my life. I’ve got a really bad sinus infection and since it’s wintertime the air is so dry that my nasal passages are dry and cracked and every time I blow my nose I get a nosebleed. My face is like a desert Joshua Tree. I’ve tried using aloe, a prescription face moisturizer, CeraVe, Aquafor, Ponds and nothing helps. Everything makes my poor face burn like I’ve been set on fire. I finally broke down and called my dermatologist today. She told me to buy a humidifier, to use a water based facial cleanser, to only wash my skin every three days, to quit taking my psoriasis meds and my allergy meds, and she called in a new moisturizer that I can only get by prescription.  This is ridiculous. She said it has something to do with my autoimmune, the weather, the infection, blah, blah, blah. I did go to CVS and bought a humidifier. $75 but it’s a nice one I guess and I had a coupon for $8 off. That’s always a plus, when you can save money when shopping. I love that.

My baby boy came over this evening and went shopping with me so I wouldn’t have to go alone.  I always adore it when he hangs with me and helps me out.  I bought him a cake.  It’s kind of our deal.  He deals with my bullshit of going to 6 places to get crap done in one day and I buy him cake as a reward.  We also stopped at the Mongolian BBQ place and got take out. It’s one of our favorite things to do.  We load up, come home, unpack the shopping bags, and then eat our Chinese food. It’s like our reward for being out in 5 degree weather.  The best part is that I get to catch up on everything going on in his life and he holds nothing back.  He tells me about people who make comments about gay people in front of him without knowing he’s gay. He tells me that sometimes he just wants to tell some fat ass to leave him alone.  The best is that he always tells me he loves me.

My baby girl will be turning 21 on Monday. I’m so proud of her. I have some surprises for her, I’m excited to see her get her gifts.  She’s been sad lately and there is nothing worse for a mother than when her child feels sadness and she can do nothing about it but support that child. That’s all I try to do. Listen and support.

Sunday is a huge day for me and the hussy. 27 years together! I always get super stoked for this anniversary. He makes my heart happy.

So that’s about it today. No huge rant, nothing major. I’m sick, my doggy is sick, I’m over Christmas already, but I’m still fairly happy tonight. I hope you all had a lovely week.

 

Accountability

I’m a firm believer that people should be held accountable for their actions for every action has a reaction.  I know several people in my life are struggling with this concept right now.  Many of my friends and family have found themselves exiled from my circle.  Most, without an explanation, or without a perceived explanation from me.  You see, I did warn them.  I posted several messages before and after the recent Presidential election letting people know I would not keep people in my life if they voted for the Republican candidate Rapey J. Cheeto (you’ll be hard-pressed for me to ever use his real name).

I believe in accountability.  I feel like people who say “Oh I don’t agree with his racism, misogyny, bigotry, homophobia, and lies; I just voted for change” are willful hypocrites. I am a rape survivor and you voted for someone who believes raping women is “locker room sport”.  I have a gay son and you voted for someone who believes homosexuals should be electrocuted until they become straight again.  I have African-American family members and you voted for someone who said minorities were rapists and criminals.  I am disabled and you voted for someone who publicly made fun of a disabled man on national television.  My husband is a Union Steelworker and you voted for someone who said Unions are useless, that union workers need to work more and talk less, someone who attacked an American worker for no reason and caused him to get death threats.

Just admit you don’t care about others and you’re a selfish person.  It’s okay, he made it okay for you to embrace your secret feelings that we “others” are not your people, we are not equal to you, and; in being worthless, you need not treat us with the same respect and privileges that you enjoy.  Rapey  Cheeto has made it okay for you to embrace your hatred and bigotry and hold it dear.  He encouraged you to vote for it and to deny it in front of your peers and use God and Change as your excuses for doing so.

You claimed for the last eight years that the problem was a black man in the White House but you weren’t racist because you have black friends.  Your party believes that people should continue to be poor and uneducated because those people are their core voters, easily duped, just as you were.  Just look at where you are now.  Your Rapey Cheeto is up on Treason charges just this morning.

So yes, I deleted you from my life and have no plans to change that.  My cut off game is strong too, just ask my mother.  I cannot and will not allow your selfishness to influence the way I live.  I will not pretend that we can be friends when I know who you really are behind your bullshit and rhetoric.

The 2016 Presidential Election was a test of DECENCY and you failed.

 

 

 

 

Welcome

Welcome to the Obstinate Life. Here I will be writing often about daily life, politics, food, children, etc. I’ll probably post things that piss  me off a lot.  I do not write to seek validation. I do not write to change you.  I do not write to seek your opinion although it’s always welcome as long as you understand, if I don’t like it, I’ll not post it.  I write for me. I write to stay sane in this crazy place we live in today.

Take a look around, you might find something useful, laughable, sad, happy, enlightening, maybe even enraging.